Journal 43 - Old Kentucky Winner

(Note: it's been a while. I'm going to try to at least get the rest of the writing journal digitized and posted. I haven't done these exercises in over a year. Fiddling with other stuff - namely a new obsession with photography - but writing will return)

There's the singing of Old Kentucky – before the
Kentucky Derby – I feel I should be more moved
or emotional. I'm distant. Though the ritual felt
like a typical college football event. The announcer
talks like an auctioneer – words spoken quickly
and only indeterminately intelligibly. I'd like to be
a racing horse though. Or bloodhound dog. Ironically
or not the people here in the bar have their ties
and their dresses and their hats. How socially aware.
Melissa the waitress drags the trash across the floor of
the bar – but don't tell her I noticed. How un-dorkyish:
the drunken souls are gravitating toward the loud spoken
TVs. How much do the South Carolinians know about
the races? Probably more than my Mississippi ass. I
mean seriously – the suits and sundresses are
infiltrating the windy Rooftop bar. Like a spirited
troop of aristocratic ants. All shiny and curly (and
giggly). Words are sometimes like rain in the middle
of June down South. If I don't turn my head
toward the magnetic TV will I be banished and
ridiculed? Hands are clapping. Oh so serious for
such a long build up and and ejaculatory short
finish. Fifty to one it seems is enough to win
the hearts and minds. Fifty to one by a landslide.
Or many feet. Bahhh. I'm out of breath but not
from racing. You can really claim anything when
you've won. And are a winner. “Of course I knew
I would win.” Well I certainly don't. I know
next to nothing – different from Socrates's knowing
his own ignorance. Sea-gulls or something ocean-y
shit on me with blessed indifference. I should be
shat upon. Like a good citizen of planet Earth. The
eagle shits upon the hare – why not I? Earth
is a violent malevolent self-first place of hedonistic
existence – why blame ourselves for doing something
wrong with global warming? We're evolved ancestors
to chimps – why hold ourselves to higher standards?
Survival is equally strong across Darwin's lost species.

5.2.09