Journal 46 - Loan Shark Rattlesnake

The settling of a debt with a loan shark is
like the settling of my soul with the world-
mistaken in advance and trembling when shaking
hands for the extravagant closing of the ordinary
deal. I don't expect much from the world as I
wouldn't expect much from a loan shark. I still
navigate through disconfigured and malfigured
holocausts that circumnavigate the marshy blue
world like intersecting serpents on an ancient
emblem of decimated hope. Sometimes hope is like
the billfold left in your pants and washed with
the rest of the dirty laundry - forgotten and possibly
clean on its return. Except it's soggy and the value
is easily torn from delicate use. And sometimes hope
is a child's laughter in the face of the pointy fangs
of an Eastern rattlesnake. Evil doesn't need to be
silent through it often is, disguised as shaded hope.
It's difficult to watch your mother struggle from
sitting to standing to walking up 4 stairs.  Those
legs once carried you in that body's arms as though
you were made of paper machete. I don't know
that being a piece of paper is the worst side of
this sand-bar of existence - receiving the thoughts
and feelings of those who think and feel enough
to record them (though this digital world cheats
and bypasses it) - and the maleability of origami
is to be praised and adored; who wouldn't want to
expose wonder in some nice soul's eyes and hands
by shape-shifting from a 2-dimensional boring
sheet to a 2-dimensional  perfect square to a 3-
dimensional bird or cube? I want to shape-shift.
Shape-shift into mans' best friend or the proverbial fly
on the wall - not to mention everything in between.
What an irresistible worn out phrase, or silent
cliche. Avoiding cliches is like avoiding the police -
they _will_ find you. And your only viable option is
to surrender. Unless you want to be a grammatical
criminal. There are some vigilantes in the sunless
walls of prison preaching to a deaf amputated choir.

5.7.09